Monday, June 23, 2014

TreeBooks-One More Reason to Cock It and Pull It


The fucking future of eBooks!You know the shtick. This blog is all about the dark side of life and my suicidal POV. (In case my blog title hasn't already given that away.)

And with that in mind, I'm going to deliver one of the most annoying and most pessimistic views about eBook readers you've ever read.

Grab your guns and come with me. This is going to hurt.

Ready? Put your gun to your head. Cock the trigger. Close your eyes.

Okay, you can open your eyes a minute. You do have to read, you know, unless you have TTS enabled, then you can listen. But keep your gun pointed at your temple, though. This will go by sooner than you think.

Here goes.

I was minding my damn business on the internet, searching for something that would add meaning to my life, (or good porn) just like everyone else, when along came this ad about eBook Technology. WTF? That was my first thought. (BTW, this kind of technology (c'mon, software) is nothing new. It's been around for some time, used as story and name generators, etc.) And now, MMG (Medallion Media Group) has ramped it up a few notches and turned it into an amazing iPad APP for eBooks.) Whatever.

WTF, don't we have enough to do? Don't we already have a zillion choices we can't keep up with? Isn't the godforsaken internet already responsible for all my anxiety? Throwing my damn heart palpitations out of control with way too much exciting information. Prolonging my shortness of breath. My hands are shaking! Okay, deep cleasnsing breath. Calm down son. Someone, anyone, pass me the Xanax, please. And a tall glass of water--these fucking pills are hard to swallow.

For the love of God and all that is good in this world. Do we really need any more anxiety? Seriously. Does the world need another reason to lose sleep over the next goddamn story? I doubt it, but what I think doesn't amount to squat. Does it? No. C'mon shake your head. Just play along, we're almost there.

Then... WHY THE FUCK DO WE NEED THE MMG APP FOR?!!

Now, CLOSE YOUR EYES and PULL IT!

PULL IT TWICE!

You see what I mean?

Of course you do. Now, for those of you who didn't pull the trigger. For those who didn't have the cojones to splatter your brains all over the white walls. Or how about white cotton balls in the fields, yes, in slow motion. (Thank you Tarantino). (Hmm, I think I'll work on a Django review.)

Go here and knock yourself out with the endless stream of information about the goddamn future of eBook readers. That's right. I'm not going to say another word about it. I'll defer to the so-called experts. They've done all the heavy lifting. Why should I break a sweat?
http://thetreebook.com/

Besides, I don't even own an iPad, or a fucking Kindle any more. I just couldn't take it. I just couldn't find the time to immerse myself in another goddamned enhanced, mother fucking reading experience.

Patches is meowing for fucking food, goddamn it!

No comments: