Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Kindle 2 - Great Idea, Backwards Technology

I was just about to plunk down my Credit Card when...

The all-new Kindle 2 is set to hit retail outlets on February 24, my birthday.  What an auspicious moment for me.  Hey, I'll treat myself to one of these "beauties".  That's what I was thinking at first, but as I perused Amazon.com for more information about the new Kindle, I was soon un-sold instead. Congratulations on the convincing  marketing Bezos. You're the only merchant that has un-sold me a prodcut, ever.

And I'm sure Jeff Bezos can afford to sell this Kindle 2 for about $199, as opposed to $359, and not take any losses. The bulk of the Kindle 2 is probably manufactured in Taiwan for about $19 bucks a piece or maybe less.  But since so many people have already paid even more for the KINDLE 1, which was priced at $399 last year, why should Amazon cheat themselves out of half the profit? Are they that altruistic? After all, they can hardly keep up with the demand for these hideous things. Not that they’re so ugly, mind you, but they look plain and uninteresting. They look cheap, but of course they’re anything but.

Just stick with the program, Bezos, and charge what the targeted upper middle-class traveler's / Yuppy student’s market will bear. (Did I get the demographics right?) Have you seen the bibliophile dorks on Amazon.com that tout Kindle 2 as if it was the best thing since B&W TV? Come on now, where do they get these folks?  Get a clue people, this thing is as revolutionary as day-old bread. Bezos claims that e-ink technology, “…does not do color.” How uninspiring is that? What are we stuck in the Fifties? Did Joanie really love Chachi? Was The Fonz cool or what?  Oh, excuse me, I was just having a transcendental flashback.

Here are some modern Blues Clues for Jeff Bezos:

  1.           There are other colors besides white, you know.
  2.           Skins and so-called leather covers for this device are also over-priced.
  3.           People like black and chrome finishes, even more than white.

Here are a few suggestions to improve the look and feel of the Kindle 2:

  1. 1.    How about adding a silver Bling-Bling chain that you can attach to your Kindle so you can wear it around your neck? You know, like Flava Flavs clock.
  2. 2.    Or, how about adding a few more dozen staggering features and benefits to go along with it?  Like connectivity with the Space Shuttle’s console interface, for instance.
  3. 3.    And lastly, how about lowering the price so everyone that loves to read can afford one.  If that’s out of the question, and I’m sure it is, then why not offer three easy payments of $119, just like Ron Popeil does? And throw-in a few “free” skins with the deal.

  4. Oh, one more thing. Why does Amazon insist on selling technology that hearkens back to a bygone era when we’re trying to get beyond the dawn of black and white television and into the digital age?  Is Amazon revolutionizing the digital era or are they taking a giant leap backwards in time with a product that promises so much, but ultimately delivers very little for the money. WTF?

It’s obvious to me at this point that the Kindle 2, as it now stands in this consumer’s view, is nothing more than a packaging of old technology, mixed with electronic ink technology that has yet to match or surpass color HD TV.  Am I expecting too much?  Yes, for $359 dollars, I’m expecting much more than an un-cool, gigantic black and white cell phone that doesn’t even make phone calls.  What a gyp.

In short folks, this product tastes like a gourmet shit sandwich on fresh, five-grain whole wheat bread. Mmm…yummy. Does anyone care for a bite?

By the way, have I mentioned that I like the Kindle idea but I just can’t bring myself to buy one? Anyone else getting any of this?  Thank you.

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