Strong Medicine For Novelists: Pinch Nostrils--Open Wide

...And Down The Hatch

Okay folks, for those of you who’ve been wandering around the planet, in a bubble of utter confusion, like the zombies from Night of the Living Dead, trying to figure out what it takes to succeed as a novelist, here’s my one-of-a-kind ProseFreak spin:

Which of these two books would you be inclined to buy?

Joe Pantoliano’s Memoir, or Frank Sinatra’s Unauthorized Bio?

See what I'm getting at? But let’s expand this ridiculous comparison even further and have some fun. Shall we? Hey, unless you had plans to finally isolate that pesky MD Strain in the next 15 minutes or anything remotely similar to that, I’d read on.

Hang on, this is a strange elixir indeed my friends. Here’s your spoonful:

For starters, who the fuck is Joe Pantoliano? That of course, is a fair question, and here’s the answer: Remember the movie From Here To Eternity? No, not the one Frank Sinatra starred in, the other one. Right, the one with Maggio. Yeah, that one in the photo. That’s Joe Pantoliano, otherwise known as Ralph Cifaretto in HBO’s, The Sopranos. Now you know who I’m talking about. Well, it turns out that all three of us: Frank Sinatra, Joe Pantoliano, and yours truly, Alberto Rios, are from Hoboken NJ. Notice the descending lineup and name recognition. From megastar, to the actor whose name you can never place, to a complete, obscure and unknown I hesitate to even mention in the same group. (I can take it.)

SO NOW whose memoir would you rather buy? You see that? Is selling millions of books really all about celebrity status though? Uhh…YES! Of course. That’s the way the world works. What else did you expect? Hell, if a good actor like Pantoliano can’t sell his memoir (I checked it out at Barnes & Noble last year. I read the back cover and quickly tossed it back into the pile of bargain books for a buck.) Get the picture? Hey, if you’re not following any of this by now, schedule an emergency session with your shrink and ask him to help you decipher it and suck it up. On second thought, never mind. All he’s going to do is keep looking at his watch anyway.

So the next logical question comes to mind: Is there any hope in God’s green universe of me ever selling my memoir, or my novel, unless I’m someone like Frank Sinatra? Hmm…very good question. I could end this right here, wooosh down a whole bottle of Percocet with some Aquafina and call it a day, or a life, but that would be no fun at all. I haven’t gotten to the best part yet. (I’ll leave the pills for later.)

Uh…where was I? Oh, right, the Frank Sinatra thing. Okay, so if that’s the case, how did first-time novelist Wroblewski (That’s the Edgar Sawtelle guy.) wind up on the bestseller list? Trust me this guy’s no Frank Sinatra. Doesn’t even look like Frankie. Matter of fact, throw a curly wig on him and slap a ruffled collar around his neck and you’ve got a modern-day version of Shakespeare. Come on now, that was a good one folks, and more importantly to Wroblewski, it ties in with his story, so I doubt he’ll be offended by a little humor as long as it helps promote his book. Believe me this guy knows good publicity when he sees it. BTW, I’m going to bestow him with my Medal of Sheer Marketing Genius Award which he so deserves. Shakespeare, dogs, and a murder mystery? Now that’s brilliant. Forget the story, all the marketing is built right in. That’s all you need. I think he started a whole new genre all by hiself. (This typo was due to my cheap-ass Gateway keyboard, and left-in as an ode to Cormac McCarthy, but I digress.)

Okay, so now things are starting to look my way. Maybe there is hope for my novel after all. Marketing huh…positioning in the marketplace, an author’s platform, planting marketable ideas, and themes inside my novel as a way to help promote it. Wow! Why didn’t I think of this before? (Okay calm down, it’s been around since Aristotle’s Poetics.)

Great you say, but doesn’t all that built-in marketing dilute and commercialize my story? Not if you gracefully weave in your relevant themes with a little misdirection. Hey, you want the low-down dirty truth or not? This is a brave new world when it comes publishing. Anything goes. Unless you want to settle for the labyrinth of POD’s out there, parading as real publishing houses, I’m sure you want to attract the big guys, like: Harper Collins, Little Brown & Company, Random House and all their imprints. Or maybe you’d be happy with a smaller publisher: A University Press, for instance. Whatever’s your fancy.

So many choices, so little time. And, if you’re like me, and you’re not Frank Sinatra, or even look like him, you’ve got your work cut out my friend.

Unless you work on YOU first, building yourself as a Name Brand and transferring all that wonderful charisma onto the page and into your wonderful tomes, you’ll always be at a loss. Not just in the business of writing and publishing, but in life in general. You need to be recognized. You need to be liked. You need a plan.

NOBODY buys from a NOBODY. (Not in mass quantities anyway. Write this down folks, you don’t hear quotes like this every day. Hell, my own momma probably won’t even want to read my novel. In fact, she’s already told me she won’t. Oh…the trauma—the trauma.)

That’s the lesson folks. I warned you there was going to be some unsavory stuff. But here’s another spoonful. Come on, open wide. All that celebrity stuff is just the tip of the ice cube folks. Lots of tiny ice cubes that make up this gigantic literary iceberg.

THE COLD, HARD-TO-SWALLOW FACTS:

Let’s not forget some of the golden rules of marketing, advertising, and sales that always apply, regardless of who you are: You think your publisher is gonna invest marketing dollars in you? (Belly-ache, side-splitting, roll-over-the-parquet-floor laughter right here.)

SOME MARKETING RULES:

1. It helps to be well-known, not as a celebrity, but as someone likable, especially because of controversy, but not always the case.
2. Professional and Academic credentials help.
3. Champion a social cause or develop a Platform around your subject or expertise.
4. Write a good, short, sales pitch for the back cover, a.k.a., a Book Blurb. (Maybe the subject of my next post.)
5. Try and promote your book during relevant events.
6. Come up with a great title, or maybe steal one from the KJV version of the Bible, just like Hemingway used to do. (Don’t blame me if God never forgives you.)
7. Write a great Press Release, and submit it to places like: http://www.PressReleases.com, or PRnewswire.com, many others.

SOME ADVERTISING RULES:

8. Identify your target audience and make sure they find and understand the book you’re offering. Answer their question: What’s in it for me? (with banner, text, or print ads)
9. Research your market and experiment with different book covers to see which one gets more attention, responses, interest. Design intriguing covers that stimulate curiosity.
10. Make sure you put together an irresistible offer that will encourage prospective readers to buy your book.
11. For example: Buy now, pay later. (That’s one of the best offers of all time.) Get this book at 25% off until (date here), etc.
12. Here’s a statement that will throw you. “People don’t buy products or services. They buy benefits and offers.” That’s a proven fact. I didn’t make it up, ask any advertising rep.
13. You can literally sell ice to an Eskimo with this approach. It works every time, although it depends on other factors too. (Hey, what can I say, this supposed to be a short a blog post, but turning into the GB Address)

SOME PROBLEMS WITH SALES:

In your world, there is one seller, YOU, but many potential buyers. That means many kinds of buyers with different levels of desire and motivation to buy a given product at any given time. Hopefully your book, but maybe they have too many obstacles in their way.

1. Your page-rank on Google is in the cellar. You need to be on the first page, at least not passed the 3^rd. Fine-tune your META TAGS. Consider buying Google AdWords.
2. The price of your book may seem too high to many buyers.
3. Buyers don’t trust you. You must convert all prospective buyers into first-time customers with persuasive copy. Then, if they order and you deliver what they consider a good and valuable product, you’ll get repeat business, but only if you repeat the right offers. You must build trust in your sales copy. (Another lesson.)
4. Your website sucks. It looks cheap and unreliable, reflecting the assumed poor quality of your book to the reader. Learn HTML or hire a web designer.
5. Your shopping cart sucks. It’s confusing and time-consuming and most orders are dropped because people become impatient, flinging their laptops down the stairs.
6. Your sales copy is pushy and arrogant. Here’s a tip: Don’t sell—Present and display your product with quality graphics, and state the facts in an interesting way with a kick-ass offer. Then shut the Fuck up! (Ahhh…shades of Julianne Moore.)
7. Your ex just wiped out your bank account. (Call the cops.)
8. You get the idea folks, everything has to line up with all the planets and the godforsaken moon has to rise under the seventh house. Something like that.
9. Here’s the tortilla Wrap:
10. Put together a great book that people will want to read from cover to cover, over and over. Nothing else will do.
11. Make your book available at the most visited and accessible sources: Scour the www.
12. Put together a great offer. Everyone loves a bargain.

Any questions?

Good. Now, apply these sacred principles, wait a while, sit back and watch your bank account swell practically overnight into 6 figures. And remember, I also have a beautiful bridge in New York I'd like to sell you.


Yeah, the Brooklyn Bridge. It was a bargain. I bought it off a famous New Yorker years ago--for a song.


Yeah…from him, that’s the one.

Spontaneous Rant: Now, if only I can get a damn role in the next production of “From Here to Eternity”…

STORY: Lipstick on a Pig is Not Good Enough

The book, Story, by Robert Mckee, which came highly recommended to me by my editor, without question, is intended for writers who are as serious as Mckee about telling a good story. So serious, in fact, that it almost reads like a textbook. But that’s a good thing folks. If you’re starting out, as a screenwriter, or if you’re a writer at any level, this book is the first you should read, over and over again. (And apply its principles, of course.)

From an insider’s POV, Mckee, deftly lays the solid foundations and the principles of screenwriting and offers a broad overview of Hollywood screenwriting and storytelling in general, in a way that you “get it” without sounding too heavy-handed.

Here’s one quote you’ll never forget: “If the scene is about, what the scene is about, you’re in deep shit.” In a nutshell, this is all you’ll ever need to understand about the all-important and ever-so-elusive “subtext”, mind you.

Mckee starts, appropriately enough, with “The Decline of Story” and champions his cause with all the major nuts and bolts you’re going to need to bring this “decline” to a much higher plane. And in my view, he succeeds brilliantly at outlining the many steps you need to know in order to get there.

(Scratch the needle across the vinyl record right here folks, or the laser’s optical eye, if you’re under 35.)

I’m as much a skeptic as you. And I ask myself: Why can’t I think of one screenplay that Mckee has written? As in Oliver Stone’s, “JFK”, or Tarantino’s, “Pulp Fiction”.

Which movie can we tag Mckee’s name to? Well, if you read the fine print, in this case, the back flap of the book, you’ll find that it says: ‘Mckee has written numerous television and feature films,’ and that, ‘in addition to writing and lecturing, Mckee serves as a consultant to major film production companies such as, Tri-Star, and Golden Harvest Films’, and so on. Yet, it never mentions any of his screenplays that have been at least optioned, let alone any that have been produced. Although, there is a long list of Mckee’s students that have either written or produced impressive movies, themselves.

Hmm…the only answer I can come up with is; that you’ve probably never heard of Oliver Stone writing a bestseller on the art of screenwriting either. He’s probably too busy either writing another screenplay or directing another movie, while Mckee is probably just as busy teaching his craft to sold-out crowds. Fair enough. (Focus, people, focus.)

But there’s a catch, ladies and gentlemen, and here’s where Mckee’s all-important disclaimer comes in: ‘ “Good story” means something worth telling that the world wants to hear. Finding this is your lonely task. It begins with talent. You must be born with the creative power to put things together in a way no one has ever dreamed.’

In other words, for those poor souls that weren’t born with that “creative power”, there’s not much hope for you, and not even Mckee’s fine “STORY” will save you. (If you want to write over-and -above the “decline”, that is.)

All those writers who want to wing-it by trial and error, or for the sake of the almighty dollar, are of course welcome to do so without Mckee’s help. And that’s why, as in years passed, Hollywood will crank out dozens of movies that audiences will most likely see only once, and then just as quickly forget about them. They’ve paid their hard-earned $10 bucks, sat in an uncomfortable chair with their boat shoes stuck to the floor, and as always, they’ve left the theater in disappointment: trying to find a shred of redeeming value in the last 2 hours of their routine lives.

But even though most theatre-goers have been bilked by Hollywood’s movie-making machine, everyone else in the movie-making food chain has been well-fed. Actors such as, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Angelina Jolie, are easily taking in 10 to 20 million per film, and you’ve just paid part of their fortune folks. But in the end, nothing was lost. After all, you got away from the kids, your spouse, or your wonderful mother-in-law.

And it was well-worth the $10 bucks and the $3 dollar box of Good & Plenty. I should know.

Now, as for Mckee and his book: he’s the seller; and we’re the buyers. End of story.

I Was So Bored, I Joined Shelfari

And Here's What Happened:

I unleashed one of my classic, and extreme *ProseFreaks, just for Shelfari readers, inside my profile, and it goes like this:

The books I enjoy are like music. I'm really selective about what I read because life is way too short to waste time with a book that you're not absolutely crazy about. I do stick with mostly mainstream and popular titles. For me, it's many of the classics: Tom Sawyer, The Catcher in the Rye, and the tried and true; a lot of the books that have been made into films, such as: The Scarlet Letter, The Bridges of Madison County, The Hunt for Red October, Apocalypse Now, Platoon, All The Pretty Horses, to name just a few.

I also love to read screenplays because they’re much faster to get through: Moonstruck, The Fourth of July, JKF, Jackie Brown, Pulp Fiction; you gotta love Oliver Stone and Quentin Tarantino. Too many others to mention: The Godfather Sagas, great dramas, and just about every war movie you can think of. Kubric’s Full Metal Jacket, a favorite. (How can you not love a movie that inspired the song, “Me so Horny”?) A few romantic comedies/comedic movies: Monster in Law, Meet the Parents.

I’ve also authored several screenplays and my first novel, A Death for Beauty. What can I say, it’s inspired by many of the great books that I’ve read and it’s a story that’s very close to my heart and soul--I enjoyed writing it. I love mostly literary fiction, westerns and coming-of-age stories.

Biographies/Anthologies: My favorites so far, Norman Mailer’s, The Spooky Art. And Summers/Swan, Sinatra.

Yeah, I’m also a big Frank Sinatra fan: He's the subject of one of my screenplays. His daughter, Nancy Sinatra’s, These Boots are Made for Walkin’, was a classic oldies hit that I love too. If only she realized that my story, some day would also become a classic. What went wrong? After all, I did make Nancy the subject of my letter, but I prosefreaked my pitch right into it, near the ending. The moment she opened that letter, and I know that she did, I swear that I felt the tectonic plates of planet Earth, shift and moan, ever-so-slightly in my direction: in the form of a curse.

Yeah, I was brash (and stupid) enough, and tried pitching my Sinatra screenplay to Nancy Sinatra ( I made a big point about how she was mentioned in it, as a baby.) but she wasn’t interested. So where did I go wrong? Well, I could hardly believe it, but I had dug deep into her website and came up with her home address in Beverly Hills. And I sent her the sweetest letter ever, trust me.

The day after she got my pitch in this gigantic certified envelope, she yanked her address off the website so fast, that I think her Webmaster is still reeling from it. Did she really think that her home address would be safe? She could thank her agent for dodging me for so long.

That was soooo wrong, but I knew it would be fun somewhere along the line. Either that or I might’ve gotten a call. (Sure thing.) Gotta work on my pitch, the screenplay is on the “dinero” folks.

Uh…still planning on selling that Sinatra story. Trust me, it’s a modern cult classic. You heard it here first.

***********************************************************************************

*Prose-Freak- noun: [prohz-freek] An article or essay that begins with an innocuous opening, and then seamlessly segues into something hilarious and absurd.

[Origin: 2006-08; Introduced by Alberto Rios <>prōsa lit., straightforward (speech), akin to frīcian to dance]

' I never saw it coming, but by the end of the story, it blew my mind. I'd been prosefreaked.'

***********************************************************************************

This PF is extreme because I worked my shameless plug into it. Masterful.
Be proud Shelfari Reader: You’ve just been tagged by ProseFreak!

My next ProseFreak! Tag will be in RedRoom. Check it out next Monday on my new ProseFreak Literary MindBlog. It's just as ridiculous.

http://prosefreak.blogspot.com/

A New Story Structure?

If you’re the kind of writer that likes to be on the cutting-edge of publishing trends, slant your ears on this:

Today’s story openings, for authors of fiction, might not be what they once were, or should be. You know, short and sweet with no backstory, because today’s readers want stories that get right to the point. Apparently because attention spans are not what they used to be a decade ago, or anything like in the days of Aristotle, when there was nothing else to do and the public indulged in long, tedious stage plays as entertainment.

As for literature, today we can still enjoy long, tedious novels like McCarthy’s fantastic Border Trilogy. You know—like that.

Some folks, me included, still enjoy that sort of stuff, while the majority of today’s readers, like their stories condensed, and fast-paced. Therefore, a contemporary story structure, as follows:

According to today's so-called publishing standards, and according to published novelists and screenwriters, who’ve already been tried by fire, the evolution of story structure in the past decade has recently been: that proper story beginnings, are the key to publication, for first-time authors, that is.

Consider the antithesis to today’s story beginning in the recently published and highly acclaimed “The Story of Edgar Sawtelle”, by David Wroblewski.

If you haven't read it by now, check it out, and you’all come back, hear.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/03/books/chapters/chapter-edgar-sawtelle.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Hmm…WTF. As you can see from its opening paragraphs, there’s a very mild hint as far as an inciting incident goes. I suppose that the flashback of, ‘20 tons of rolling maple that buried a man’, counts as the inciting incident. Edgar, the protagonist, is revealed by the end of the chapter, when he is born.

Not a bad opening, (...right) although I had to read it several times to understand it. (I don’t get enough sleep folks. Let’s face it, it’s either that or all the smoke from the 60’s is still affecting my brain cells.) BTW, the excerpt they use on Wroblewski's website is not the beginning chapter. They chose a more interesting, more engaging section about the dog. Good choice.

So where is all the highly touted openings, in medias res deal, and the all-important first sentence that must grab the reader by the collar, and then the follow-up with a clever, and pertinent inciting incident that supposed to address story questions, arouse curiosity, and catapult the book into the annals of literary treasure-dom?

Good question. When you find the answer, make sure I’m the first to know because I’ve been fiddling with the opening to my first novel for the passed year and have yet to nail it down just the way I want it. (I’ll let you know what my editor thinks of my most recent revision. I suspect she might roll on the floor with belly-aching guffaws, again.) Beats me. I’d rather time-travel back to the Mesozoic era, wither away under a cretaceous rock until the next millennium, and reincarnate as Cormac McCarthy. That would be much easier than re-writing my first chapter. Trust me.

I’m telling you, I’m brain dead (as you’ve probably noticed by now). But, I’m trying to pin down that glorious opening, at least according to all the great books I’ve read regarding story beginnings, such as: Les Edgerton’s Hooked, (my Bible on openings) or Robert Mckee’s Story, which is geared more towards screenwriting, but nevertheless, makes very valid points regarding the all-important opening of your story, among other things.

Check out this great opening, cited in Edgerton's Hooked, from Dominica Radulescu’s, Train to Trieste, that probably earned her MS publication, but was drastically altered upon publication.

Excerpt:

‘I am returning from the Black Sea wild and disheveled, my skin golden and salty and my hair entangled and blonder from the sun. A girl I used to know has just died on a hiking accident in the mountains: she was hit in the head by a rock on a trip with her boyfriend. He had accidently sent down that rock, as he was walking behind her, on the steep path.’

(Middle portion of excerpt omitted for the sake of brevity.)

‘But this summer when I am seventeen and returning from the Black Sea, I am bursting into being a woman and I don’t care about empty stores and sugar and flour rations. All I care about is that this man grieving for his dead lover turn his eyes on me.’

You can get the gist of her this wonderful opening by reading just these few paragraphs, especially the way it ends. Because of copyright infringement and since the chapter is way too long to post here, take a look at how the new opening to her book was recently published:

http://www.randomhouse.com/knopf/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9780307268235&v
iew=excerpt

Uh…you have to click on the link above first. You did? Okay, as you can see, it’s a huge difference and in my opinion, the original MS is far more intriguing and it fits within the “writing model” according to the great story beginnings with no backstory, that readers in today’s marketplace love so much, since they’re allegedly so hyper, and must get right to it.

Why did the editors and/or publisher decide to change the opening? Well, I wish I had a solid answer to that in the publisher’s own words, however, I imagine that they changed or amplified the opening according to current story trends within the genre, therefore accommodating the most important people in the story chain: the readers. Give ’em what they want, sort of thing. But what does that have to do with ruining a perfectly good beginning? Enlighten me…please.

It’s anyone’s guess. Although, I suspect that it sure pays to know a good agent or an editor who has the inside scoop as far as what’s most likely to sell and who’s buying what at any given time. They do know what publishers are looking for, but who’s to say what readers will like, after all? Then again, it could be her "Platform". She is a literary hot-shot after all.

It’s like that old saying in Hollywood: “Nobody knows anything,” when it comes to stories, regardless of how they’re structured. What one person considers junk, another might fall in love with.

Just like so many different opinions/book reviews on Amazon.com can attest to.

“Good Night and Good luck”.

Spontaneous Olympics Rant: If I see one more Chinese Panda chomping on bamboo chutes, I’m going to have a nervous breakdown!

About Your Pesky Editor

Okay folks...what do you say when your editor takes a look at the revisions on your beloved MS, and then slices it, dices it, has it for brunch, and then spits it out?

Ahh...Bon Appetite, of course.

And how would you know since nothing remotely like this has ever happened to you, right?
Come on now, we all know how it works, and how it hurts, oh soooo bad. But listen, if editors could write, they would be writing and making tons of money. They do what they do best: they edit and critique.

They look at your so-called masterpiece, the one that you've slaved over for the past year and butcher it to pieces. And of course, they always make a good point. Or two, or three. You get the idea. Editors can see what we cannot, and they know what we don't know. We're usually focused on telling a story, and getting our characters to do what they do. And so, we get lost in a rhythm, (just talking myself down from the last revision folks) and in all the telling, and all the narrative and all that fantastic dialog.

Meanwhile, editors think like...editors. They watch out for all the passive sentence construction, the embarrassing typos, the split infinitive's, the run on sentences, the dangling and the wangling, and the structure of it all. And who knows what else? Well, I know of a lot more but I don't have all day to list it here.

But here's the point: Yes, editors can be ruthless at times, and honest and very transparent and they basically pull no punches. And that's the way it should be. Who wants an editor that doesn't help make your story better? An editor that helps make your work shine will labor hard and doesn't tell you what you want to hear. They make corrections, offer suggestions and point out all the inaccuracies that one tries to get away with. (It is fiction, after all. Right.)

Heck, just look at the professional reviews for so many published books out there, already on the bookshelves. They often don't fare much better, even after publication.

There are no perfect books, or perfect stories of any kind, as we all know, however, the goal is to come as close to perfection as one can get. And that goal, simply cannot be done without another pair of eyes that can catch all the mistakes that keep one from publication. (If an agent can smell money in your MS, you're in. They could care less about inaccuracies.)

That's where our trusty editor comes in. They know what agents are looking for and they steer you in the right direction. And I for one am very grateful to have one of the best editors I could ever ask for.

Here's where you can find more of them. Click on the Headline hyper-link for the website where you can post your editing job for hire.

Good luck!

What Makes This Book Trailer So Effective?

If you missed yesterdays post, scroll down and take a quick read and check out the Duma Key Trailer. (The Jeopardy music is on)

Here’s the follow-up:

This trailer gets your adrenaline pumping. (grips your emotions) It’s exciting and suspenseful (since it is a mystery) and it leaves many questions unanswered (the curiosity factor in action).

So, in all of 32 seconds (a flash) we’ve just seen one of the best sales pitches, ever. It makes you want to run out and order the book. Why? Because suddenly, we want to find out what this is all about, but more importantly, we need to know how it will end. So far we’ve only seen a glimpse of the trouble to come. Bloodshed, a drowning, cadavers, and so on.

In mere seconds, we feel involved and we want to be a part of this story already. We want to see it unfold and we want to be swept away and scared by it. (For all of you thrill-seekers out there. Mostly somewhere around a 20 to 35 years-of-age demographic. And that means a book trailer like this would be advertised within those target markets, almost exclusively.)

Let’s Break it Down:

Notice how this trailer starts with an innocent, serene beach scene, framed by lovely palm trees. And then to top it off, that innocuous image is reinforced with the mellow sounds of Hawaiian strings. Oh…how peaceful and tranquil. Just another wonderful day at the beach.

The Headline reads: Need To Escape?

So far, the first few seconds seem quiet and relaxing enough…UNTIL blood starts to drip around the corners of the screen.

Next line: Then Take a Vacation You’ll Never Forget

You now have a powerful opening that juxtaposes two very different happenings. Calmness against bloodshed. Very effective. Now that they’ve got your attention, the blood goes from drips to covering the whole frame, little by little as the music becomes ominous, a sheet of blood covers the screen.

We know something awful is about to happen, or just did. But first, an introduction of the master of mystery and suspense.

The name (Stephen King) appears under water. This builds the suspense.

Next line: (Stephen King) Invites You To Get Away (As the music escalates and becomes even more ominous.)

And then, suddenly, everything goes blank, and just as quick, images of doom and gloom flash about:

A paintbrush mops blood across the screen
A pirate’s ship lost in turbulent seas
A doll’s face rolls its eyes ( a “Chucky” the killer doll, reminder or inference)
A ghostly cadaver takes a deep breath

And then, the Book’s Title is shown under water, drenched in blood, as was the author’s name a few frames before.

Suddenly…the music builds and then slowly comes crashing down and…BOOM. A shot of the book against some of the elements that will play out in the story:

Stormy skies, artists paintbrushes in a can, and so on.

Again…another build-up of music and…BOOM.

Visit Duma Key…Return Trip Not Guaranteed

A short pause and then…the date the book debuts.

Fade to black.


You’ve got to admit that this is highly effective marketing. Notice how in a short 32 seconds, they’ve managed to stir-up emotions and questions inside of you that all of a sudden, you want answers to. And how do you get those answers? You buy the book, of course. BTW, those short 32 seconds create a false sense of urgency and impulse that further escalates your desire to dig deeper and see how this story will play out.

Brilliant.

That’s what all book trailers are supposed to do right? Sure. But instead, what we usually see is the opposite. Most Book trailers want to show and reveal too much. Therefore taking out all the suspense and mystery that the book has to offer. They answer too many questions, so there’s nothing left for you to find out. Nothing for you to wonder about. Big mistake.

Your book trailer or better yet, Book Teaser as it is more appropriately called should do just that. It should tease you and entice you and motivate you to take action, because now you want to know more about what you’ve just seen. They’ve whet your appetite and you’re hungry for more information, more thrills, more fun. You now want to be a part of the story. You want to buy the damn book. And you want it Now!

And BTW, the NOW factor is another marketing technique. Otherwise known as “buying on impulse”, before your emotions cool off and you loose interest, or get side-tracked and forget the whole damn thing. They want you to buy NOW, not later, because later, may be too late for them to make the sale, close the deal, or in layman’s terms, cash-in. Ca-ching!

That’s why they try to get at your deepest emotions because that’s where they reach deep inside you and make you go gah-gah over their products. So they hit you hard, and you become attached to the message and they blind-side your sense of reason and rape you…and…Oh…the horror -- the horror! And…uh…well you get the idea.

It can get any sillier than that folks.

Here’s the whole enchilada wrap-up:

Find something in your story that hooks readers and use that in your book teaser. Don’t have a hook in your story. It’s never too late. Come up with one, weave it into your MS and then use it…everywhere.

In the Duma Key teaser, the hook is… Are you ready for this?

Drum roll please…

And you thought I was going to repeat the same old thing but in short bulleted sentences. Right?

Drum roll again please…

And the hook in the Duma Key teaser is…
…that life is like a box of chocolates? Scratch that, right idea, wrong movie.

Let’s try that again:

And the hook in the Duma Key teaser is…

…that life is uncertain? There you go. You never know what can happen. Just when you thought everything was fine and dandy, and the water was so blue and so still…

BOOM!

It’s all over. A great metaphor for life is what it is. And that’s the subtle, but effective hook. That’s why you crave to know more, because you were not expecting something that horrible to happen -- but it did. That’s also known as misdirection, something you learn in writing your terrific prose along the way. Especially if you write in the mystery and suspense genre.

But wait, there’s more.

That’s right, all these rules of suspense and mystery don’t only apply to that particular genre. Remember that all stories must contain some level of suspense, otherwise you won’t have a very interesting and engaging tale to tell.

So, in other words, every teaser must incorporate these elements, whether they are romances, literary tomes, cowboy and Indian westerns, and so on, and so on..

Like the devil, the element of surprise is always in the details.

Okay, I had another teaser set-up for tomorrow’s post, but for some reason the link is not working so we’ll have to scratch that part until further notice.

Stay tuned for more.

Why Most Book Trailers Suck and How To Improve Yours

So what’s all the fuss over book trailers? Well, here’s a clue. The people who put together many of these marketing atrocities have managed to generate plenty of publicity, purporting the importance of book trailers, in order to sell them to you at very high prices.

Makes sense, doesn’t it? After all, have you ever heard an author praising his Book Trailer from here to eternity because it keeps generating sale after sale? Of course not, and you never will because measuring the success of these trailers is nearly impossible to begin with.

Nobody really knows when a sale has been made as a result of a prospective customer viewing a particular book trailer. Although, yours truly will admit that after viewing the book trailer for Stephen King’s DUMA KEY, I was curious enough and inspired enough to take a look at his book on Amazon and considered buying it. And I’m not even a KING fan. What does that tell you?

Simply this: Either I'm gullible -- or the Duma Key book trailer, and others like it, must have a lasting effect on its fans, and furthermore, it must have led many fans who saw it, to buy the book. Could be a little of both.

So, in other words, YES, book trailers can work and they do work, but only if done properly.

The Real Purpose of a Book Trailer:

1) Your Book Trailer must generate enough curiosity and generate excitement (emotion) that in-turn will lead a prospective buyer to search for more information about your book. And that stimulus will hopefully lead to a sale.

That’s it folks. Don’t look for any other reason under the sun. Yes, fanatics of certain authors may very well go out and buy a copy of a book they just saw presented in a book trailer, BUT, those cases are few and far between. Those kind of authors have been around for some time and have developed a loyal following. Many of their fans await, breathless, and salivating like Pavlovian dogs, for their favorite author's next tome to hit the bookshelves. Most of us don’t have that luxury.

Again: The purpose of your book trailer is not to make a direct sale, but instead, to trigger an emotional response, a hot button, that can lead to a sale. Big difference. Here’s what you need to know:

1) Your BT must arouse curiosity.
You’ve heard this word over and over and that’s simply because without curiosity, you have nothing going for you. You can’t tell your whole story in 30 seconds, or 3 minutes, so don’t try it. It doesn’t work and it’s counterproductive. Find a hook, a gimmick, a phrase, that will push all the hot buttons, or at least one of them.

2) Your BT must excite, move, and inspire, the prospective buyer to take further action. (To buy your book)

3) Your BT must be produced in a way that hits all the right notes. Its graphics, message, music, etc., must all mesh and synchronize as a unit, with one purpose. (To stimulate and evoke a response, and direct someone where to buy your book.)

4) Uh…that’s it. Want more?

You already knew this? Well then, try and apply it and get your Trailer on YouTube and dozens of other sites and start building some credibility at the very least. Remember, in yesterday's post I mentioned the "C" Factor. The Credibility Factor. It's something you have to work on and build upon over the years.

Debut authors have disadvantages. We're unknown, and unproven to "get the job done". To get the masses to clamor and jump, and salivate for our books. (Learn to write first.) That's why publishers have double standards. New authors must pay their dues before they're accepted into the wide, wonderful world of publishing.

But there are filters in place, called Lit Agents, and they're the gatekeepers in the land of publishing. And they're sick and tired of so many lame queries. (I don't query any more.) That's why most queries rarely work, because agents are not even reading them. They know they're usually going to waste their time, and they're right. So how do you get passed the middle man?

Learn your craft and learn it well.

And that folks, is accomplished by doing your homework, polishing your material and finding the right agent that will take an interest in your idea, or someone who can refer you to an agent they already know or have done business with.

So where does your kick-ass book trailer fit into all this? (Cuckoo clock chime right here.)

It's part of your marketing and promotions package, of course. Just like your press release, and your synopsis, and your website and your blog. Plus a zillion other things. And while Book Trailers are not a must at any point in any authors career, they certainly can't hurt either. (Unless they really suck, like most of them do, and therefore the subject of this post.)

Tomorrow we'll discuss the Duma Key Trailer and why it works so well. Plus, we'll look at another book trailer that almost succeeds but falls a little short, and why. Don't miss this post.

Click on the Title Hyperlink to see the Duma Key book trailer.

Can Your Book Be a "Bestseller"?

"There is no threshold of a certain number of copies a book must sell to be a bestseller, there never has been and I doubt there ever will be."

And that quote belongs to Jerry Simmons of WritersReaders.com. Need I say more? Well, yeah, otherwise this is going to be a very short posting, so here goes.

It's all about almighty SALES my friends. Lest we forget that publishing is a business that depends on plenty of sales in order to survive the slim profit margins they're able to allow themselves, especially these days. It's also about marketing, because when you label a book "Bestseller" or "National Bestseller", publishers are almost guaranteed a boost in sales. Why not? The word "Bestseller" in the minds of readers is like a stamp of approval, or a guarantee that they're not wasting their money or time on some worthless drivel that nobody wants to read.

But what allows publishers to determine and use the word Bestseller? Just about anything goes. A spike in sales of a particular title at the local bookstore. A top spot based on popularity in any newspaper's "Bestsellers List", and so on.

It's all about a "join the crowd" mentality and you can't go wrong. That "B" word assures readers that they're not taking a chance because if it is implied that masses of people like the book, then you will most likely enjoy it as well, and you'll buy it "on impulse", preferably. Tough luck if after you get the book you're not satisfied with the story or its outcome.

Although, most readers are smart enough to look beyond the cover of a book and "Search Inside" a book or read a synopsis, or reviews that further explains a book's premise. So, the chances of being disappointed after you buy a book is always debatable and subjective.

So, what does it take for your book, or novel to be labeled a "Bestseller"? Well, for one thing, those wonderful words you've labored over and flung between the covers, must be engaging and offer some kind of benefit to the reader. That way more and more people will talk about it and others will be inclined to buy it. Especially if it's non-fiction and your credentials are impeccable. But what kind of benefit can you offer readers if you've written a novel?

Well, I could leave you hanging right here and leave that for my next posting, but I think it's somewhat obvious. The benefit any reader looks for when reading a novel, or fiction in general is, an escape, of course. Readers want to be transported into other worlds. Not only the fictitious world surrounding your beloved characters, but the world, the voice, the point of view of its author in relation to the story.

I hate to break the news to some of you folks, but that's why publishers market and "brand" their authors. It's why the author's name is the first thing you see on the cover of most books. Readers buy because of the author's style, not just the story they have to tell. And that kind of "branding" takes years to build. Why do you think it's so difficult for new authors to break through? Nobody has ever heard of them. They have no clout and no proof they can "entertain" you. Readers are at "at risk" of wasting their valuable time and GAS money folks. (I know, that was a kill-joy, but funny. Deal with it.)

But those marketing tactics are not exclusive to books, as you already know. I f you're like me, you probably watch just about any movie Denzel Washington stars in, or Robert DeNiro. You know it has to be good if they're involved, because you enjoy their performances. BTW, Ralph Fiennes was, as they say in movie industry lingo, "a revelation" in RED DRAGON.

But back to the point. If you're a debut author of any kind, in any genre, whether fiction or non-fiction, and you want your book to be hailed as a Bestseller, then write a bestselling, quality, kind of book. (Easier said than done, but you can do it.) There are formulas to everything you know. But, and here's the most important thing:

You must be yourself. (With a little of "this and that" mixed in, according to Hollywood. They don't like to take too many chances, and neither do book publishers.)

Click on the Title-Hyperlink for more in-depth facts about "Bestsellers".

***
Next Post: Why Most Book Trailers Suck And How To Improve Yours

"Oh...Martha," Alberto said. "Is my beverage and bath ready dear? And please don't forget a fresh bar of my favorite soap on a rope. I'll be in need of it."

"Notes" is Self-Published

What do you expect from a publishing company called Wunderlick? You've gotta love that name folks. As a follow-up to my hasty post yesterday about "Notes From The Mothership", here's a quote from the author Adrienne Zurub:

"I worked on finding the perfect name for MY publishing company. I thought of naming the enterprise after my children, and then no. I thought of: Ford, Chase & Wunderlick, Ford & Wunderlick (I'll explain the Wundelick in a minute!), Guilford, Chase & Wunderlick, and a host of other names. Now, the Wunderlick name (which I think is sooo cool) came from the news of a woman somewhere and about something and her last name was 'Wunderlick!' How often do you hear a name like that? Exactly! So, it became mine. My publishing company is named "CHASE & WUNDERLICK PUBLISHERS,

http:chasewunderlickpublishers.com.cn. I gave it a China (cn) presence to make it international."


I'm suspecting her book was published through LULU.com, as mine is also since it's a hardcover, but the important lesson here is this:

1) A curious name such as "Wunderlick" goes a long way in attracting attention.

2) Launching your own publishing company (a registered LLC for several hundred dollars) with such a name lends valuable credibility to your book.

3) The .com.cn links her Publishing Company to the largest English portal in China, which in turn gives her International access and exposure.

There are, of course, many other factors that went into catapulting her book into bestseller status which BTW (light bulb here) makes a good topic for my next posting. What classifies a book as "bestseller" that is. I'll demystify that next time and set the record straight once and for all about that whole notion.

I think though, that the main reason for the book's success is that it has built-in controversy. Plus, Ms. Zurub is very well-versed in marketing and promotion and she knows how to "build a brand" around such controversy to begin with. Let's give credit where it's due. Great things don't happen by themselves for the most part. She's a tireless and astute promoter who knows her way around the world of publicity, and that's what it takes, among so many other things.

Everything must work in unison. From the curiosity of the book cover, to it's title, to the all-important writing between the marvelous covers, that is most important of all. Otherwise the book has no traction beyond what you see. The writing in essence carries the book to its successful ways and means. That's the heart and soul of the book, the thing that connects with readers and inspires them to react and become a part of it all just as I am doing here.

It's viral, it's catchy, it's curious, it's funny, the next hot topic of conversation, especially if you're a nurse or in the medical field in this case. A lot going on, and every element must "hold its own" along the way.

More about this later. I like to keep my posts short and bittersweet.

Notes From The Mothership

As you all know by now, I'm a marketing fanatic and so I came across this unique book called "Notes From The Mothership: The Naked Invisibles". How's that for a title? And the cover speaks for itself. (Publisher: Chase & Wunderlick Publishers, LLC)

The cover photo is by AliciaRoss.com and the original has been slightly altered (no legs). The writing appears to be projected onto the body, although it may well be Photoshopped. It's title, "I'm Not My Mother" is scrawled on her back, over and over, from top to bottom. You've got to see the rest of her work. She specializes in this sort of thing. All you "Macho-men" out there, beware, this is all about empowerment for women, in case your Cro-Magnon cells haven't noticed by now. (Snap out of it! --Yes, Cher from the movie Moonstruck. An old reference but for those of you who get it; priceless, and as the Brit's say, "Spot-on".)

BTW, that's not the author on the cover as one might suspect (and would've been a good idea), but Adrienne Zurub was not about to go that far. (women's empowerment only goes so far you know) You knew that was coming from a bloke like me, didn't you? But back to the book. For some reason this book, an autobiography/memoir, comes across as a self-published and might as well have been since it's author appears to be doing most, if not all it's marketing and publicity. But then again, doesn't that always fall on the shoulders of the authors? Most of the time. Especially in this new freakazoid world of publishing where the only thing that rules is money and sales percentages. (Not as new as we are led to believe, mind you. It's always been about the Benjamin's brother. I mean sister. Sister, I meant sister.)

Yes, I do know my place and take it well. My own protagonist in DFB is female and trust me, she's on a mission from God herself. (Yes, a shameful plug, but that's the way it works folks.)

And I've given my plug a paragraph of its own, so it just hangs there, like a summer breeze. I'm so transparent and self-serving, it's pathetic. Well at least I didn't spell out my title, "A Death For Beauty" in big, bold, flashing, red neon letters or anything. Way too crass, even for me.

But let's face it, I've done a good thing after all. At least it appears that way in print. Hey, I even posted this article on DIGG.com, without my shameless plug of course.

I do have my limits, you know.

More about all this tomorrow, I'm going to refresh my Mojito.